Redneck Church
You
belong to a redneck church if...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members know how to play it.
People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck
because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
With a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in
the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
High notes on the organ make all the dogs sleeping on the church floor
begin to howl.
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.