Things my mother taught me.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why....
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you
into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your
father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your
neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE... ! "If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling
test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know
when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer
me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't
come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your
father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it
when we get home."
And the all time favorite thing my mother taught me-JUSTICE... "One day you
will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.. then you'll see what
it's like."