Kids on life
NUDITY I was
driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in
the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom!
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
~
HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it
out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said
with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause
it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
~
OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
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KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to
come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child
said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
~
MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen
a little boy before?"
~
POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at
an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" " Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie
my shoe?"
~
POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
~
ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth
fairy will never believe this!"
~
DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress
for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always
gives you a headache the next morning."
~
DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn..... and into the hole he
gooooes."
~
SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week
of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write and they won't let me talk!"
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