1.Never under any circumstances take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
7. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.
8. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
9. Never lick a steak knife.
10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
11. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe
daylight savings time.
12. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
13. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your
birthday. That time is age eleven.
14. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy people who are not in
16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
17. Your friends love you anyway.
Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
amateurs built the Ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.