Top 20 things you wish you could say at work on a bad day.
1. How about never? Is that good for you?
2. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
4. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
5. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
8. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
11. You sound reasonable.....It must be time to up the medication.
12. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
13. Do I look like a people person?
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
18. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
19. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
20. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.