KNOW IF YOU ARE READY FOR CHILDREN:
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (If Legos are not available,
you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk barefoot to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (This could wake a child at
STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and
take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always
keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a
small net bag making sure that all
arms stay inside.
TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug
swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal
(such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the
mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now
dump the contents of the jug
on the floor.
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m.
begin to waltz and hum with
the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make up
about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm
for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make
breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the
front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now
remove 10 of the beans.
TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the
counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the
nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper.
Go home and read it quietly for
the last time.
FINAL EXAM ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.